Coming to you from the Great Palms Resort & Spa in sunny California, I'm proud to present two of the naughtiest pie-munchers you'll probably ever set eyes on: Diane and Riley! I'm sure you have lots of questions, as did I, but all you need to do is remember that this contest is really bringing out a diverse range of competitors, and that they're all here to put a smile on your face.

Riley's such a cutie... that's probably why her boyfriend gave her a $500 spa gift certificate on Valentines Day. I'm not quite sure this is what he had in mind, although there's no reason for the guy to get jealous. Riley's too hot for her own good, and he should just be happy he's gettin to bang this prime slice o' pie. Be happy for Diane... It's not often she gets a break from doing nails.

Speaking of pie...